In an act of total tenacity, I nominated Spoonful Chronicles for Stephen Leacock Literary Prize for Humor. You can view all other nominees here: http://www.leacock.ca/pdfs/SUBMISSIONS_2018_as_at_Dec_5_2017.pdf. Seeing my name listed along side a Giller Prize winner and somebody else who participated in writing the Simpson’s show fills me with excited giddy […]
Today my novel, Spoonful Chronicles, gets launched into the world. It is finally live. Here is the rocket launch drawing I created for this occasion. More details here: https://www.ihath.com/2017/04/05/spoonful-chronicles-is-almost-here/
For this auspicious day I decided to create a rocket launch drawing. Something that makes Spoonful Chronicles seem like a rocket that is about travel to out space with myself saluting the effort in a military style. I was inspired by a bunch of famous movie rocket launch. That moment when somebody says: “ladies and gentlemen, we have a lift off.” Always feel special.
Movies on this list would be:
Today, all those scenes are colliding into each other in my chest.
If you are wondering how to create a rocket launch drawing for a book. It’s easy. All I had to do is take an image of my kitchen totally empty.
Then I took another photo with the book raised on top of a tall jar.
In my image editing software I layer the image with the book on top of empty kitchen. Then I erase the jar making it seem as if the book is floating in the air.
Finally, I added hand drawing to make the book look like a rocket getting launched into outer space.
And there you have it, a rocket launch drawing.
I hope you enjoy reading my novel.
My fascination with Lady Gaga’s meat dress aside. Here I am, in a giant bacon costume, pretending to be a piece of bacon reading Spoonful Chronicles-a novel inspired by food. How would bacon review this book?
I am the kind of food that food lovers love. I mean who doesn’t like bacon? Everybody loves me. Because I am the so delicious. And then I read Spoonful Chronicles. I was in shock for days. The way bacon is treated is treated in the story is many shades of wrong. Imagine meeting a character that doesn’t eat pork. Immediately I hate this woman. I don’t care what happens to her. Her struggle just doesn’t matter to me any more. Why would I care about somebody who doesn’t care about me? All that drama, all that action is wasted on the wrong person. Yes the novel is well written. Yes, it’s funny. Sure tons of interesting things happen in the story. But where is the bacon? No Bacon, me no likey. In short, don’t waste your time reading this brilliant baconless book.
So what do you think this bacon costume book review? Do you agree with it.
I was contemplating the expression “You crack me up” to mean you make me laugh so hard that I am destroyed by it. How we have a facade and that can be penetrated using humor. I used plenty of humor in the novel Spoonful Chronicles even though it deals with a serious subject matter. I have always found, in life, if you can make somebody laugh you have a better chance of getting them to listen to you as well. So here are cracked eggs. I painted a face on each one. The eggs don’t look so happy. They seem alarmed by the demise of their colleague. O the horror.
Warning! This novel with recipes will crack you up.
I laughed lots while writing Spoonful Chronicles. In hind sight, I can see now that I was cracking my self up. Like the cracked eggs in the photo. I laughed and laughed and then there was the “Oh no” moment. A moment of painful self realization. I thought I was telling a joke, but the joke was really on me. There have been so many unexpected results of writing Spoonful Chronicles. Never in my dreams would I have imagined that I would write a light hearted novel about food and find myself traversing such dark places.
Life is full of surprises. You never know what you will encounter right around the corner.
To all the readers of Spoonful Chronicles, you have been warned. These cracked eggs can attest.
One minute you are laughing and next you discover that you have become an omelette.
My novel with recipes is about to launch. I dress in a carrot costume to impersonate a vegetable reading the book. I also wore orange pants, orange shoes and orange shirt. Read my poem on color orange for details on my fascination with the color. The giant carrot is deeply upset but what it reads.
So I tried to impersonate a carrot and imagine what this carrot would think of reading the novel Spoonful Chronicles. I think a carrot (or author in a carrot costume) would be deeply disturbed by this novel.
Number one, it’s not the most important vegetable in the book. Every carrot knows it’s the most important vegetable in the world. Why is there a cauliflower on the cover? This is just wrong on so many levels.
Number two, the stories in the book seem to glorify vegetable genocide. Cauliflowers, cucumbers and tomatoes are consumed left, right and center. This is an atrocity. A sensitive delicate vegetable like a carrot can’t handle such realization.
This novel is awful, disgusting, ugly and a waste of time. That is the final review of the giant carrot (aka Elen dressed in a carrot costume)
So I had this rodicio in the fridge. All rodicio vegetable is red purple lettuce. It is bitter in taste. I enjoy using it as garnish for when I have a big party. So I had this cute idea to use rodicio to recreate the book cover for my novel Spoonful Chronicles. Here it is.
It is interesting how delighting this experience was. Something so easy and simple. And yet it brought me so much pleasure. Who knew that you could have so much fun from a simple humble lettuce. I purchased a vegetable to use as garnish for a dinner party. And it ended up affording me a bit of play time. Life is full of surprises. You never know what you gonna get.
Tomorrow starts the count down to the launch of Spoonful Chronicles. Expect daily new fun content. It’s my version of an online party. Here is something to set the mood.
Drum roll please! Tada! Here is the cover art design for Spoonful Chronicles-A novel with recipes.
This is the story of Snow White Tarantino style.
Pot-bellied Snow White gorges herself on blueberry pancakes after a revenge killing spree. Wait until Prince Charming gets a hold of all this….how will he react?
Watch this video first and then read the full story below.
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who has killed the most of all” Asked the queen.
On this day, unlike all the days that came before it, there was a new answer.
The Seven Short Psychopaths in Black Suits
Each one was named after his favorite method. Strangler. Shooter. Cleaver. Author used a sharp pen. Crusher, Poison and Tickler. All seven where happy to meet a woman who didn’t try to change them.
Now if this was a proper Quentin Tarantino story it would be peppered with the N-word. Our narrator refused to cooperate with our effort towards authenticity. So you have to use your imagination.
The Queen appeared in Snow White’s car.
“Hey, young woman, would you like a burger?”
“No thank you!”
“But this is a french burger. Do you know what they call these in France?”
“Royale With Cheese”
Snow white goes into a deep coma.
The Coma Rapist
Prince charming had a thing for women in a coma after seeing the movie “Talk to Her”. He was about to kiss snow white when she woke up. In a fit of rage she killed the price, the queen, some guy called Bill for no apparent reason and those annoying chirping birds that keep hovering around her head.
Snow ate tons of blueberry pancakes and developed a pot belly.
Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.” Now… I been sayin’ that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You’d be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin’ made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking: maybe it means you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here… he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. And I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.
Pulp Fiction is one of those movies. You watch it once and it lingers in your imagination. Like that scene with Samuel L. Jackson quoting from the bible. I can never un-see that. It is stuck inside my mind.
This is an experiment in story mashup. I have many many ideas similar to this. Making this video was tons of fun. I laughed so much while making it. Thinking of ways to stick Kill Bill, Django Unchained and Pulp Fiction into the story of Snow White. This is Snow White Tarantino style. I decided to keep the video short, rely on the fact that most people already know the story. I don’t need to tell the whole tale, only the bits that are different.
So what other story mashup should I do next? Please tell me.
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