Last Friday, I typed “The End” on a new novel. To celebrate I poured myself some coffee and milk in a fancy shmancy pink tea cup.
The celebrating is short lived. Each time I type “The End” in a manuscript I feel a brief sense of accomplishment for about 5 minutes. Immediately afterwards I feel sad for days. The source of this sadness is a mystery to me. Logically, I should be happy that I finished something that I have been working on for years. Right? but instead I feel bewildered. The source of this sadness is a mystery to me. I have a few theories, but no definitive answer. I pour myself a second cup of coffee in my pink tea cup and contemplate the options.
Pink Tea Cup Theory #1: Lack of purpose. A novel gives me a sense of purpose that keeps me motivated. Every morning I wake up eager to write the next chapter or improve a scene. Finishing the manuscript means loosing that sense of direction. Who knows if I will get another idea for a novel ever again? Perhaps I will never type “The End” in a novel ever again. What should I do with myself now that the magic is finished?
Pink Tea Cup Theory #2: Commercialization Aversion. Selling a book is no different than selling shoes in a shoe store or selling cereal in a supermarket. Once the creative part is done, now comes the practical part of turning it into something that will sell. Now comes editing, formatting and package. It feels like taking a piece of my soul and turning it into something cheap and common. My logical side understands that all this is necessary practicality, but my heart is rebelling.
Pink Tea Cup Theory #3: Disappointment With The Result: When a novel is just an idea inside my head, it’s full of potential. In that state, it holds the possibility of being the most magnificent novel in the world. Now that it is written, it is full of flaws and shortcomings. With birth comes the potential for death. With life there is always pain. Perhaps a part of me is mourning that perfect possibility, now that it’s materialized it simply is what it is. Never again will it be perfect.
Do you have a pink tea cup theory of your own? If yes please share it below.
You can see the pink tea cup better in this video.
With all this sadness, I need to find something to cheer myself up. Last time I typed “The End” in a manuscript I ended up buying these shoes to cheer myself up.
This time I got myself these pink sparkly shoes.
Pink seems to be a theme in my handling of sadness.