Boob job —- 5,000 dollars
Nose job —- 7,000 dollars
Face lift —- 10,000 dollars
Don’t worry. ihath hasn’t gone crazy and started contemplating cosmetic surgery. I know the price list from day to day conversations with various acquaintances.
I miss the good old days. Sigh! …. back when we would look at celebrity magazines and laugh at Dolly Parton and Pamela Anderson. But these days, Ya Allah! you need to watch your mouth. The puffed lips, stretched faces and silicon breasts are walking down the streets. What used to be the province of movie actresses is now popping up among the common public. And don’t get me started about the botox craze.
Few weeks ago, I bumped into Barbara an acquaintance of mine who is in her mid fifties and already “had some work done” ehm! ehm!. She started telling me about her latest visit to the cosmetic surgeon, “I was looking through the nose job catalog…”. “They have a nose job catalog? he he he that sounds so funny, do they have boob catalog? or an ass catalog?” I thought to myself. The thought of body parts catalog where you choose your preferred body part the way you would choose a sweater struck me as hilarious. I had to repress my desire to laugh as I was listening to Barbara, who continued ” I couldn’t find a nose that I liked. I want you to come with me to the cosmetic surgeon because I want to show him your nose. You have the perfect nose, I want to ask him to give me a nose identical to yours”. My desire to laugh was transformed into panic. I suddenly felt the urge to cover my nose with my hand. “But this is my nose, you can’t have it”.
I imagined Barbara sneaking into my house in the middle of the night to steal my nose while I slept. I would wake up the next morning to discover that my nose is gone. “My nose! I want my nose!” I would scream in horror. I could imagine the lost nose poster I would have to design posters to stick on electrical posts the same way people stick posters looking for lost pets.
I would sit around the house for days hoping and praying that I would hear news of my beloved nose.
When I woke up from my nightmare, I apologized to Barbara telling her that I don’t feel comfortable visiting a cosmetic surgeon. I tried to convince her that her nose looks beautiful as is and that she doesn’t need any cosmetic surgery, but she didn’t look convinced.
When I went home that day, I spent lots of time looking at my nose in the mirror. When my husband came home, I asked him of those questions that absolutely drives him bonkers
“Do you think I have a beautiful nose?”
“Yes you have a beautiful nose” he replied in an irritated voice that made it sound as if he was saying “What now? You are not going to get started with this nose thing, are you? Leave me alone, I have enough headaches already”
I pray that in my fifties I will have the wisdom to let nature take its course and not end up browsing mutilated body part catalog at a cosmetic surgeon office.