Losing Weight 1

I myself hoped that Adnan Pachachi would be the next Iraqi president. Anybody whose last name is that of an Iraqi national dish has to be ok. Pacha is a slowly cooked combination of sheep’s head, stomach, feet and other variety of meats in broth. It might sound disgusting to you to look into a pot and see a whole sheep’s head looking back at you, but we Iraqis love all our heart attack inducing dishes. In fact, I think that all heads of state should be named after national dishes. Imagine Fettuccine Alfredo, prime minister of Italy, Gordon Bleu, President of France, Seashell Paella for Spanish president or Zucchini Tempura for a Japanese prime minister. Doesn’t that sound more palatable than their real names. The Russian president is already ahead, only he is residing in the wrong country. Poutine is Canadian for French fries smothered in gravy and melted cheese. Mmmmm! digusting. If heads of states where named after food, it would make deciding on who to vote for during election time that much easier. Instead of thinking about complex policy issues and figuring out if you trust the promises of the candidate and then deciding if extra marital affairs should weight on your decisions, we all know what our favorite dishes are. Deciding between two dishes is so much easier. Ok who would you rather vote for

Ice cream Sundae or Jalapeno Nachos

Cheesecake New York or Colonel Kentucky

Tahini Shawarma or Baba Ghanough

We each could decide without any hesitation, who our favorite is. Plus, imagine how much fun election campaigns would be. Instead of the boring speeches we would have cooking shows. Instead of empty promises, instant gratification, feed me now. The “proof is in the pudding” would have a whole new meaning. As in, feed me pudding and I will believe you. Who cares about foreign policy, just make an international potluck dinners. Forget about armies and make mean chili sauce for export to the enemy. The country that makes the most deadly chili will rule the world. The only draw back is that Ronald McDonalds might win elections in the US. That would be a real farce.

Plus people would talk about their president or prime minister in whole new way. I find him way more appetizing that the other guy. I can’t stomach that candidate. He gives me diarrhea. She is a real dish. That last election campaign left a bad taste in my mouth. Tart, will become a good word for a politician, so will the word fruit cake. Do you see the potential here? It is endless.

Ok, ok, ok. I confess. I am obsessed with food. Gluttony is my favorite mortal sin. I have never met a cuisine I didn’t like. It really is my down fall. I like it all, Italian, Japanese, Indian, I like it all. Can you tell that I started a diet only two days ago and now all I can think about is all the food I am not supposed to eat. I know what your are thinking. Surely a serious person like ihath, somebody who is preoccupied with important world affairs can’t possibly be wasting her time with that futile womanly quest called diet. But, believe me this serious lady has asked her husband: “Does this dress make me look fat?” more times than she cares to admit.

[ Advice for married men: When your wife asks you the question “Does this dress make me look fat?”, telling her that it is her fat ass that makes her look fat and not the dress will not flatter your wife. It might be a guaranteed method for ensuring she won’t ask you that stupid question again, but it won’t be healthy for the relationship.]

Apparently there will be elections in Iraq in January of 2005. If I was running for any public office in Iraq I would change my name to Dolma Fasanjoun. Dolma is an Iraqi dish that consists of stuffed grape vine leaves and stuffed vegetables, like zucchini, eggplants and other vegetables. It is an amazing dish that is popular all over Iraq. Fasanjoun is a dish common in the south of Iraq. It is Chicken that simmered in this brown purply sauce. The sauce contains walnuts and pomegranate juice. I don’t actually know how to make either dishes, but I am good at the eating part. For my election campaign I would forget about leaflets and posters and instead give out small tupperware containers with dolma in it. “Vote for the candidate that feeds the best” will be inscribed on each package. Everybody in the whole of Iraq would vote for me.

All kidding aside,I did hope that Pachachi would be the next President, simply because I thought he was more qualified for the job. However, I am happy that the US did not force its preferred candidate and allowed Ghazi Al Yawar to get the position. I don’t know much about Mr. Yawar but I wish him all the best. I think credit is due to the US government today. I just read the list of people in Iraqi new government and I am happy that the list includes people from a wide variety backgrounds and political views. The list includes several women as well. I think it is a good start. Lets wish them all the best on a difficult task. Today is a happy day, so lets celebrate. Forget about the diets and food restrictions. I don’s like Pacha that much, we can always make up a national dish called Yawar. Preferably something with rice and meat.

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One thought on “Losing Weight

  • Laurie McGarva

    Food and dieting – the dynamic duo. Was treated to lunch recently by MS. Skinny. We ordered the same meal. The burger platter with gravy there is #1 delicious. She ate a few bites, messed around the plate with her fork and doggy-bagged the rest for her ancient mother’s dinner. I’m a paid-up member of the clean-plate club. Will never eat with MS. Skinny again. Too odd of an experience.